“My personal thoughts on having it influenced my younger life ….
The words sad, ashamed, embarrassed come to mind! I feel helpless because it’s like one of awful dreams where you are trying to scream at someone but no sounds comes out. Me being the person screaming and the “scientologist” completely oblivious. I hate having to try and explain it to people, it is all so intricate and like I said before, embarrassing.
I feel like I missed out on having a ‘normal’ childhood. I didn’t realise this for a long time but when I did I felt terribly robbed.
BUT there isn’t much i can do about it now and i completely accept that it wasn’t the parents fault (you and dad) really, because you at least became cluey enough and got the hell out of there before I was old enough to realise what it was all about. Because i can guarantee you that if you were still ‘in’ I would have been the cluey one!
The fact that our other family members are still in, is just, it’s….. depressing and the word embarrassing comes up again, but I feel embarrassed for them, not for me! And it’s a huge feeling of loss really …… the absolute main effect it has had on my life is that I have no family contact out of my immediate family.
It also took me a while to realise that that wasn’t my fault….. as a child you do not have the skills to maintain complicated extended family relationships… this is their job but it was never done.”